‘We are here to guide you, whenever you need’ and ‘You are no good on your own; so, you better listen to me’ might appear similar, but there is an immense difference between them. First statement is ‘mentoring’ and the other one is ‘commanding’.
MENTORING vs COMMANDING- which way is a better way of parenting?
To mentor someone is to help someone who is naïve by giving them advice and creating a safe place for them to share their problems. So that they can become the best version of themselves. Your child is the same. Presenting yourself as a master and all the time talking to them in a condescending tone will only push them to shut you out. As more you press down the spring, with same force its going to bounce back.
No one likes to be belittled even when they literally are little. For instance, in order to get them talk to people respectfully- you have to first talk to them respectfully. As your child does not actually learn from you, they imitate you! Simply, to make them learn something you have to incorporate those things in yourself first. Parents definitely can instruct and lay ground rules. But it should be more of a conducive boundary or fence inside which they can play around and not some kind of a death sentence.
You do not OWN your children’s lives; you are RESPONSIBLE for them.
No one wants to make mistakes. But the one thing that distinct us from machines is that we make errors. It is inevitable. And most of the time our mistake become the biggest lessons of our lives. And why would you want to keep your child from enlightenment, right? Making them understand the concepts of this insanely complex world will indeed be tricky. But not doing that at all will lead them to make a mistake that can’t be fixed. Yes, keeping them on your watch is not an assurance that they can’t be mischievous. But keeping that umbrella ready incase the hurricane hits them, will do. Teach them to be responsible for their actions by showing them that how you take responsibility of your actions. That is- THEM.
If you give command to your child then remember that you are not parenting them but patronizing.